Should The Mother Be Charged?
A 3 y.o. child was killed on Thursday when the child’s mother backed a vehicle over her. As usual in cases of vehicle/pedestrian collisions, London Police are officially offering very few details (read the media releases at Online London).
However, some unidentified police source reportedly told AM980 that “no charges will be laid against the woman” who “might have become distracted while unloading numerous purchases into her vehicle while also tending to a pair of young children” and that “the little girl’s mother thought her daughter, and a younger child, were already in the SUV.”
Excuse me? I understand that the family is suffering terribly, but I think that there are some questions that have to be asked.
Did the mother tend to the 3 y.o. and another one even younger by assisting them into the SUV and into their car seats or not? If she didn’t confirm that the children were in their seats and properly buckled up, then isn’t she criminally responsible for the child’s death? Did the police consult with the Crown Attorney’s office?
How can the community possibly be satisfied that charges weren’t laid based on such insufficient information as what we’ve been given so far? Call me cold-hearted if you want to, but I’ll be asking London Police for more detail. Stay tuned …
© Fowler Media
That is a good question and one that likely a lot of people will be asking about this tragic and unfortunate accident that happened last week. I understand that when something like this happens, people believe that for some reason they are entitled to an explanation, to answers. Many times when an accident like this happens, everyone automatically assumes foul play, maybe that says something about society, who knows. I can’t say that in the past I have not seen accidents or mishaps or news articles where I didn’t think, “wow, that woman or man is definitely to blame, we must solve this crime, I am definitely entitled to learning more about this! I must know what happened!” Guilty as charged, I have asked these questions. So part of me understands your concern. For this particular situation though, let me ask you this, do you know this family? Were you there? Do you know anything about this situation other than what you’ve read in the news? I understand what you’re asking for here is just more information, but at the same time I can’t not help but sense a small amount of accusation or assumption in your post. Is there any reason that you think that you are entitled to information about this family’s situation that is one of the most horrible, devastating situations this family will likely ever go through?
I think the biggest problem with situations like this though, is that no one stops to think for a second that wait, we’re all human, and as humans we’ve made hundreds of mistakes, we have accidents and while most of them are small, some of them we have to live with for the rest of our lives.
Your question is one that briefly went through my head when I had this story explained to me, however this is a little different for me as this is a friend of mine that this happened to.
When I heard the news of the accident I was absolutely in tears, I couldn’t believe that this had happened to this little girl, to this mother, to this family. This woman was a ‘super mommy’ in all sense of the definition to these children, she loved these children so much. So when I heard the news that there was an accident, I was upset. Sad. It can’t be easy for anyone to lose a child. I’m not a parent but I’ve lost enough people in my life to know it’s never easy to lose anyone, let alone a child. So, yes I was sad, but when I found out the particulars of the situation and what happened I was speechless. I was almost sick to my stomach because for that instant, for that instant I had just found out what happened so many questions ran through my head as I am sure ran through many peoples heads.
The reason for all of those questions though was never because I didn’t believe what I was hearing, it was because I couldn’t even possibly imagine what my friend was going through, how the hell she was going to get through this! At the same time though, as an individual, and not as a parent, I thought how do you not notice whether or not your children are in the car!! I asked my friend (a friend to the both of us) who was telling me the story and she explained to me what had happened. I couldn’t even believe it! I was mad, I was upset and to be personally honest I was confused all to hell! Confused all to hell knowing how much of a mommy she was to these kids, how carefully she always made sure they were okay. I talked to other people about this as this was the only way I could really deal with this, really make sense of it all. I asked WHO and HOW do you just not realize whether or not your child is there. It wasn’t until I talked to parents, to many parents, to MY parents, and found out that it only takes a second, people know that anything can happen, but no one ever believes that will happen to them. That is all it takes! It happens, or at least all of the parents I’ve talked to have told me that yes, while you don’t like to believe it, it happens! For some it is just a small thing, a small accident, but for some, like my friend it is that instance that has taken away a life and for ever changed hers. Heck, you don’t even have to be a parent to know this, you just have to be a human being to know that in an INSTANT anything can change!
In the same instance a life can be made, one can be taken away!
In this situation, knowing my friend, knowing what a mother she was to these children I honestly can’t even think anything other than an accident happened. It sickens me that people are still asking questions, but there again you don’t know her like I do. This, I believe, was a mistake that any person could have made. A mistake, but for her it is one that will hurt her, it is one that will change her life for ever. She has to live with this for ever! She loved her children, all three of them, she always check, check, double checked for them, all the time.
I remember reading or hearing one of the police news reports saying ‘This is a mother’s worst nightmare’. That is what I believe it is. To any of the mothers out there reading this, what do you think? Have you ever just for that one moment, that one second that this could happen forgot to check, or something happened and then you snap back and say ‘Holy shit, what did I just do there?’ and think of all the possible outcomes that COULD have happened. Has that ever happened to anyone out there? If it hasn’t I’d be really interested in how it hasn’t happened, perhaps you have eyes in the back of your head, perhaps your children are on a leash?
So if you actually think that you are entitled to find out more about this, about this situation that is devastating this family right now. If you think that you need to delve and ask question and be an investigator to disprove some assumption you may have, I’m sure that once she has put her 3 year old daughter into the ground she will likely be right ready to answer all the questions that people like you have. This of course also is all assuming that you believe this couldn’t possibly be an accident which I am sure you have made many, perhaps you’ve not made any to this extent, but this was a friend, and she did nothing but love those children!
So instead of making a mountain out of a mole hill, let her grieve, let her family and her grieve in peace, give them that at least when they’ve just lost one of the most important things that they’ve had. While yes, sometimes there are life mysteries and foul play may occur in some of those mysteries, sometimes, like this instance, a mistake was made, a life altering, life changing mistake that this woman, my friend has to live with for the rest of her life!
Think of your own life, do you have children? A family? What would you be thinking if this happens to you – anyone can make a mistake, if you don’t think that or if you haven’t made mistakes, explain to me how you’re human. Or think if this was a friend of yours this happened to, who you knew, what would you be thinking then? Would you be so quick to ask more questions, to delve deeper, to disrupt them during their time of grieving? Would you want random people delving into your life if this happened to you? Or to a friend? Explain to me how you would deal with going home to your husband, your wife, to your 8 year old son and saying that you just made the biggest mistake of your life and because of that you’ll never see your sister again.
Maybe a better question is, instead of assuming she should be arrested or accused of something, how would you live with yourself after something like this happened to you? Are there resources put in place in our city to help this young mother and her family get through this? Statistics show that after a death of a child in a family, families fall apart. How about when the death is caused by the accident of a parent? How do you deal with that? How do you bounce back from that? How do you go on?
Assuming this was truly an accident, even one borne out of temporary negligence, I think the Crown would be silly to press charges. The criminal system is designed for “corrections”, hence the term corrections facility. The idea is – you commit a crime, you’re punished in accordance with the severity of the crime – and so the theory goes you won’t commit the crime next time as you’ve learned the lesson.
It also serves as a warning to others – hey – if you are negligent, do something bad, etc you too can go to jail.
There are two things I can definitively tell you.
1) If a parent’s child dies as the result of something, there is no worse punishment you can inflict on that parent. None. It’s even worse if the parents actions led to that outcome. They will not be punished any more severely for being in jail for it.
2) The story of this lady’s horrible situation is significant enough for those of us with children to be reminded of the importance of constant diligence. Putting her in jail will not deter others from this type of crime.
The punishment she is receiving, the death of her own child at her own action, is the worst punishment she could ever receive and in my opinion is 100 times more severe of a punishment then would be fair in a normal negligence case.
She is not “getting off easy”. Pursuing court action will not do anything except cause further harm to this already deeply wounded family.
It’s a pretty big assumption questions aren’t being asked, just because you and I don’t know what the answers to them are. I’m also not sure why you feel so entitled to know all the details at this paticular point.
Not everything has to be a conspiracy. Sometimes there’s no cover-up. And sometimes, yes, people screw-up. In this case, sadly, in a way that leaves a family never to be the same.
I’m tired of all the divisiveness and cynicism in our world, personally. Be the change; don’t just bitch about everyone’s failures.
Greg, thank you for posing a very difficult albeit unpopular question.
I understand may people’s assumption is that there must be some sort of punishment for ending a life, even accidentally.
First, let me say that I, in no way think that this woman should have anything but the community’s complete support in dealing with this unfortunate accident.
For many people the desire to see a criminal charge laid comes from a need for order in life. People find a sense of security and somehow attach a criminal charge to be an effective deterrent to others, as well as the thought that every harmful action must have a punishment.
As far as a deterrent, there isin’t a parent out there that didn’t shutter at the thought of the same thing happening to themselves or their family regardless of a criminal charge. Just the news of this is going to make many parents in London obsessive compulsive about securing their children in the vehicle for a while to come. Many parents fear and understand how this could happen to them.
My deepest sympathies to everyone this tragedy has touched.
Thank you to Grace for coming forward to personally speak of how great a person this mother is. It is important that friends support her and her family privately and publicly.
For the more cynical out there…
Even if the Crown or police did want to lay charges (which thankfully they don’t), although a vehicle was involved, the accident occurred on private property, so you can toss out everything you might know about the Highway Traffic Act.
In a criminal case the prosecution must also argue a Mens Rea (latin for, guilty mind). Negligence is an argument that falls under this category but the standard of negligence is not always easy to reach. The key is that negligence involves a failure to think like a reasonable person given the circumstances (and the media is not a place to decide this).
This is one of the key reasons we have for jury trials. Juries are supposed to be comprised our peers and presumably reasonable people.
The Crown would need to convince the members of the jury that none of them could have behaved in the same way given the circumstances (which we don’t know her circumstances).
If the Crown sees no reasonable chance of obtaining a conviction, why would they charge the woman in the first place? Even if they did believe a crime was committed there is little evidence they would be doing more than wasting theirs, and the court’s time.
I still thank you for asking the question because our laws are meant to reflect the morals of our society (the core reason behind trial by jury) and from the sounds of what I hear in person and on the internet most people support our current laws which do not find this woman in a courtroom.
Greg, please let them put this event in the past. Suggesting the police somehow didn’t do their job on this one is nonsense.
[Disclaimer: I have no legal training aside from an ability to use Google and watching far too many episodes of Law and Order, Matlock and Night Court. Any views are of my own and should NEVER be considered legal advice.]
Would it be different if it were your child in that car instead of the woman’s?
When you are regrettably negligent, in any situation, there should be consequences. Guilt and grief should not negate charges if they are warranted. Many who do things that harm others feel awful, and that often is worse than any punishment.
As a mother, I can not imagine for a moment doing what she did. You are compulsive about the whereabouts of your children, to the point when you are not with them, you instinctively look for them and panic when you don’t see them.
At the very least, fitness as a parent should be investigated, as well as her condition at the time. Was she medicated? Was there a medical condition that contributed to this awful tragedy? Drug abuse?
Setting a precedent on a bleeding heart case is worrisome, don’t you think?
Thanks to everbody who replied. This is a tough one.
I understand that the opinion I expressed isn’t a popular one. And I fully understand the compassion that’s being expressed for the mother and the rest of the family. As the father of 3 and the grandfather of 3 (so far), I feel her pain.
But, is it enough that she’s in pain? That she’s sorry?
Because, here’s the thing. The child who died, wasn’t a possession. She was a person, entitled to the protection of the law which required more of the mother than what was delivered.
The mother was legally obliged to ensure that the child was in a car seat and properly secured. The mother was legally obliged to ensure that there wasn’t a pedestrian behind the vehicle before she backed it up.
I haven’t made any assumptions about negligence or anything else. That’s an assumption on your part. As for the reference to a conspiracy theory, I’m SO tired of people throwing out that canard to discredit opinions that they don’t like.
Where should the police draw the line before they lay a charge? Do you really want to leave it up to them to decide, or should an open Court make that determination?
Of course I’ve got a right to know what’s going on. We ALL do. Not just a right but a responsibility as well.